


The Shepard that Kaidan Knows

by humblydefiant



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, Mass Effect 3, Normandy - Freeform, mShenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 10:30:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6750295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humblydefiant/pseuds/humblydefiant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very short story in which Kaidan comforts Shepard. This is my first attempt at fanfic of any kind - but these two inspire me to write. I hope you enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shepard that Kaidan Knows

When Kaidan awoke, the first thing he noticed was his arm lying on empty space. He’d fallen asleep to his arm draped over Shepard’s waist; now, it spread against a cold bed.

He sat upright and rubbed his eyes. The faint drumming of cascading water told him where he would find Shepard. “Another nightmare,” he sighed.

He gave his eyes a moment to adjust to the low light cast from the aquarium and then padded off towards the bathroom. “Stupid jellyfish,” he smirked at the undulating Belan jellyfish, hating them for a moment for their blissful ignorance of a galaxy in pain. 

Steam engulfed him as he entered the bathroom. He could just make out Jaxson Shepard’s naked form hunched in the shower, palms against the wall and head buried between his arms. As Kaidan moved closer, he could see Shepard’s back turning red under the angry water.

“Hey.” Kaidan placed his hand on Shepard’s shoulder, fighting the urge to draw it back from the searing heat.

Jaxson raised his head. For a moment, his azure eyes rested on Kaidan’s soft gaze before they retreated back towards the floor. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You don’t ever have to be sorry for me, Jax.” His hand tried to rub some comfort into Shepard’s back. “Was it the kid again?” 

Jaxson nodded but said nothing.

Shepard had confided his recurring dream to Kaidan. About the child haunting Shepard in his dreams - laughing, crying, burning in front of his eyes. Shepard’s perpetually empty outstretched hand. Sadness solidified into a knot in Kaidan’s throat. 

“Want to talk about it?” The words returned hollow to his ears. What more could Jax say? He’d told Kaidan how he tried to coax the child out of the ducts. You can’t help me, the boy had said before disappearing. Later, both Shepard and Kaidan had watched as the child’s shuttle had been ripped apart by a Reaper.

You can’t help me. Oh God. This nightmare of Shepard’s held no mystery for Kaidan. Shepard had saved the galaxy more than once but it was never enough. One lost child - a soul Shepard couldn’t save - would be enough to make the Savior of the Galaxy crucify himself.

“I - I tried Kaidan. I am trying.” 

“Jax, it’s okay.” Kaidan stepped into the shower - not bothering to take off his briefs - and ducked under Shepard’s arms. He held Jaxson, stroking his lower back and shoulders.

Shepard’s body started trembling. “I’m trying. I’m trying,” he repeated, over and over, between choking sobs.

Kaidan felt thankful that Shepard couldn’t see Kaidan’s own tears careening down his face. This man. This man in his arms. He would do anything for him, to make sure he never had to cry again. To feel sad. To never again feel responsible for the madness of the universe. If he could hurl himself at the Reapers and dismantle them with nothing but his hands and his raw fury, he would.

Kaidan could only hold him. As Shepard’s cries gave way to full on sobs, Kaidan pulled him tighter and let Jax slump his weight on to him as he gave himself over to releasing the pain. Jaxson clamped his hand over his eyes and buried his face in the crook of Kaidan’s neck. 

Kaidan stood, stroking and kissing his lover.

For years, Kaidan had marveled at the man. Shepard carried the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders yet continued to stand tall. He retained his compassion, his optimism, even his sense of humor. He could see how this man inspired so much in so many. Even many of his closest friends approached him with awe. Hell, Kaidan wouldn’t be surprised if Liara, Garrus or even Tali kept a secret Shepard shrine somewhere.

Jaxson’s sobs began subside. They stood there for several more minutes in complete silence. Finally, Shepard raised his head, peered at Kaidan for a moment, then rested his forehead on his lover’s. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you,” and he flashed a tired smile.

Back in bed, Shepard collapsed into a (thankfully) dreamless sleep. Kaidan held him tight and rubbed his nose in the fuzz on Shepard’s scalp. I don’t know what I would do without you. 

Anger and sadness still blanketed Alenko’s mind, yet he could not keep from smiling. He got to know Shepard like no other in the galaxy. His arms got to hold Jaxson; his shoulder received his precious tears. That night, Kaidan feel asleep feeling like the luckiest man alive.


End file.
